sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I AM VODKA MAN
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
