Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
