Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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