I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
