I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
