How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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