Do you still have your period?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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