She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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