see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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