So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
