whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
