Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
