we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
