I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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