Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
