I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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