DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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