You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
