I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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