If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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