We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
