oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize