is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
