i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
