i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
