Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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