went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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