So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
