y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize