yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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