Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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