problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
