Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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