apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
