When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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