I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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