exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize