She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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