Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
