he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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