Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
