I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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