His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
