I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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