i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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