so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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