I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize