Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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