I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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