I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
