Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
