Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
