You're my little dorito
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
