Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize