how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
