he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
