my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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