I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
