i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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