just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
